Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
