Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
