Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am spending my child support on dildos
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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