Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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