the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
