Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
