oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Panties = found
Randomize
