You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
