oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
