Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
