He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
