i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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