I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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