Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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