If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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