There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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