There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
