Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Randomize
