my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
