the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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