No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
