I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
