apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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