Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
