All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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