The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
