benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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