I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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