please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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