elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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