she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
