girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
