It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Found your dick twin last night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
