hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
