I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
