This house was built for laser tag.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
