if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
