"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
