I heard we made out
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
