last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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