im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
