if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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