i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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