Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
