what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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