apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
