I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
should my penis look like a turkey
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Everclear isn't food dammit
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
