I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
