He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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