is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
