I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
