I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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