Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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