I want to stick my p in your. b.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think my moral compass just broke
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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