Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
