My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
